April 1st Press Conference Goes Awry

Words By: Jack Dawson
Image Credit: CWL xPRess Online Magazine

Another setback for the Liberal party is apparent as a Press Conference/World Domination Plot by Tony Abbott has gone astray.

At the Press Conference, Tony Abbott addressed the Australian people in response to the overwhelming criticism the Liberal Party has received over the treatment of Children in Detention Centres.
After Beheading Attorney General George Brandis and declaring “THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!”, Tony Abbott stated that the systemized victimization and appalling human rights abuses committed by several governments over the last decade where in fact all part of a Master Plan.
“Many Opponents, may I say, distinctly Un-Australian Opponents, have stated that we’ve been treating innocent children like a commodity. And they are right.”
“And I think now is the time to declare Australia’s new, deadly, Onion Death Ray! Powered entirely by children! And they said I didn’t consider renewable resources!”

However as the Death Ray itself was unveiled, Australian Personality and Superhero Spud-Man arrived at the scene. After a brief verbal spar intercut with the cries of ‘I’ll fix it’ emanating from George Brandis’ disembodied head, Spud-Man and Tony Abbott came to physical blows.

After a solid 40 Minutes of Spud-Man slapping Tony Abbott across the face with the back of his hand, Tony Abbott relented, unfurled his wings, and left with George Brandis’ head while screaming,
Spud-Man was unable to comment, but representatives from the Liberal party did come out to give their assurances that, “In this time of uncertainty and turmoil, we will find a way to blame this on someone else. Preferably the Human Rights Commission, or our own backbenchers.”