Words by: Jon Davidson
I love talking like a bogan. An ocka, if you will – a bit of a unit, maybe one tool short in the shed. And so on. Western Australian english – something so distinct it gets its own Wikipedia page complete with vaguely autistic amounts of detail – is well known for having a kind of drawl to the general pronunciation of words, not unlike that annoying fucking noise all the crows in West Australia make.
“Mate. You. Are. Fuuuuuuuckkkkedddggaabhl…” – Crow, 2008.
By the way, those aren’t actually crows – they’re ravens. No, I’m not wrong. Look it up. I know*. It took me days to accept too, there are hardly any crows in Perth. They’re all ravens. No one is going to kick you out of a pub for calling them crows or anything, but it’s interesting that we’ve lost the word raven. Isn’t that interesting? Yes, it is.
Here are some words I like:
1. A state of disrepair which significantly interrupts the functionality of the item.
Example: “Aw yeah hey Mum it’s me, my radiator is munted. Can you come pick me up from Mandurah?”
2. A state of severe intoxication brought on by drugs and or alcohol.
Example: “Look at Steve – he’s munted!”
3. James’s older sister.
Example: “Sally is more munted than James, which is almost impressive.”
Munted, for me, brings back the innocent and friendly days of primary school. I’m not sure if it peaked throughout the 90’s or if children still continue to call things munted today, but I haven’t heard them doing it and at any rate they’re probably not using it correctly. Their appropriation of the word is probably munted in itself. Deep.
1. The state of being cool, agreeable, likeable, trendy, rad, hip, or otherwise groovy.
Example: “Mate, Music Band’s new album is mintox.”
2. An outdated term of phrase used in the 1980’s which gave way to ‘mint,’ made popular in Perth by ‘Mintox Media’ and the West Australian Police.
Example: “Granddad, stop saying mintox.”
Mintox sounds like vintage jackets feel – cool while you’re thinking about it, but awkward and cut strangely whenever you catch a glimpse of your reflection whilst under the assumption that you’re not a walking collection of obsolete cultural icons sucked dry of all meaning long ago like the blood from Dracula’s whores. Haha, woah! Lotta’ darkness in this guy, over here. Where can I get a ticket to the “internal anger” convention? Ha-ha. Next:
1. Twenty five dollars worth of marijuana.
Example: “Hey, Big Red – know where I can get a wikko?”
Big Red did, and I’m definitely feeling more at peace. Gone from me are the strange convictions I had against Mintox – gone from me now are most convictions actually, probably for the next forty minutes. That’s because of one thing, and that one thing happens to finish off this list. It’s coz I can’t deny that this stuff is the:
1. A state of top quality or high production.
Example: “Mate, did you check out the Crusty Demons on Sunday? They were kooter.”
2. The intense experience of enjoyment.
Example: “Jenny, this party is the koots!”
3. Really good weed.
Example: “Jenny, this weed is totally koots.”
Two drug references in one article? I can’t believe it’s not VICE. Seriously though, that’s like pretty much the number one time anyone ever drops the Koots bomb. There is a code of honour around koots – respect the koots and it will respect you. Do not praise false prophets, and do not cry koots if your stuff is like decent at best.
*Those little white butterflies in your garden are actually moths, too. Soz.