Features

3 Regular Types Of Leasers On Perth House/Rent/Flat-Share

Words by: Smoko Henderson


The Post-Hipsters

Demographic: 18-45.

Typical bullshit: We live in an old nice little house in Northbridge, so we will only consider applicants who are same sex couple and 420 friendly, artistic and creative but not tortured and pedantic, into the Perth music and arts scenes (only the good ones though with attractive crowds,) also fun, friendly, independent and great at coming up with one liners like phoebe from friends, and totally into respect for animals and craft beer. Additionally, no meat eaters, no smokers (“Unless it’s herb!” – Storm Lilac Thundersome [your future roommate??]) and ideally you will not be hetero-normative because it would be very chic for us to live with someone undergoing hormone therapy.

Bond: $560

The Obnoxious Lads 

Demographic: 18 – 27

Typical bullshit: Three young blokes doin apprenticeships up at TAFE. We’re real close to the city, only 20 minutes away up in the top corner of Balga. Urgently seeking roommate ASAP to replace tenant who had to be removed. We’ve attached some photos of how he left the bathroom, fuckin disgraceful ay lol chck the floater. Coz of the mess we’re only askin for a $150 deposit at first. Has to be tonight. Can’t be evening coz we’re goin’ to Metros City tonight to catch Big Z. and his rap kr3w. Lookin for a dude who likes to party and doesn’t stinge out on chuckin’ in for ragers. Gotta be cool with drinking smoking swearing, hard abs and big tunes and strong pingaz. Chicks applying please attach photo of ya tits (just kiddin but successful chick applicants will have nice tits.)

Phone line’s disconnected but if you’re interested in checking out come round this arvo, don’t knock on the front door but you gotta come round the side. Peace, Tezza

Bond: Indefinite installments of  $150 as needed per meth supply.

The ‘Totally-Over-It’ Conservative Majority 

Demographic: 35 +

Typical bullshit: ATTENTION: SERIOUS REPLIES ONLY. NO TIME WASTERS, SINGLE MUMS, UNEMPLOYED, DISABLED, PENSIONERS, SHIFT WORKERS, LAZY TYPES, OR GRUBBY SODS. NO DOGS OR CATS. ONE BIRD IS ALLOWED UPON SUCCESSFUL COMPLETION OF THE MURRAY HOUSEHOLD CLEANLINESS CHECKLIST.

We are a mature aged couple living in Bibra lake with our Toddler. We are a clean, non-drinking, non-smoking, traditional household in a nice part of the neighbourhood and friendly neighbours. We are not interested in raising our child around unsavory characters, so people lacking a police clearance need not apply. We have 2 dogs and a cat but you are not allowed to have pets unless it is quiet and also a bird.

We are located in a prime location directly opposite a largely degraded swampish wetland and detention center. Close to public transport and Adventure world. Please, no druggies, boozers, or THIEVES!!!

Bond: $470, to be returned upon your leaving our house once we decide that our child doesn’t need this much change in his life in six months time, anyway.