Features

10 Ways To Tell You’re A Perthonality

Words by: Karen Stuart


The festive season is here and there is no better time to get out and meet the same people, in the same small bar, and knock back an overpriced cocktail or two in celebration of your wonderful selves. However, the down side of this time of year is that there can be a plethora of plebs parading around your Perth, taking up valuable second hand sofa space in your favourite frequent haunts. Just in case this heinous experience should happen to you, here is a quick list of traits that can be used to remind those pesky others of the superior Perthonality status.

  1. You talk about that time you lived in Melbourne like it was L.A. Since returning you only take your sunglasses off to get a better look at your reflection in a Beaufort Street bar window.

  2. You applied to NIDA but went to WAAPA instead.  You’re living at home with your parents as you’re between acting gigs right now but that independent film you had a line in ten years ago is bound to get you your big break any day now…

  3. You stalk the press photographers like a street walker.  You don’t even have to tag yourself into public photos anymore or say who you are. Because they just know.

  4. Your social circle is more incestuous than a Lannister’s. The only people you speak to outside the circle are interns or baristas.

  5. You know where all the best places are.  Just recently you went a basement party underneath Perth’s hippest toasted sandwich shop.  It was so cool you could smell the indifference in the air, or whatever.

  6. Sam Smith invited YOU to dinner with seven strangers.

  7. Your sense of style can be described as ‘eclectic’. You have distinctive hair, a designer beard, and a unique talent for clashing paisley patterns. When Fringe is on you look just as different as every other Perthonality out there.

  8. You are friends with/ know someone who is friends with/ went to the same school as/ or breathed the same air as one/ some/ all of the members of Tame Impala/ Pond/ GUM.

  9. Your Tinder profile features a carefully curated collection of images taken from publicity shots, atmospheric music events, exhibitions, film festivals, and spontaneously natural moments in perthect composition.

  10. You freelance for local independent media with an overly-indulgent sense of self-importance and entitlement. They don’t give those event passes away to just anyone you know…