Words by: Mandy Moe Pwint Tu
the sky has been a constant blue, and i have longed for rain but the earth is still
parched, there is sand in my mouth, i am still parched, i thirst
for rain, for freshness, for renewal, i am as barren as the desert, you cannot tell me
there are springs within me,
i am void, i am empty, you are the lost traveller waiting by the wayside
for aid to come around, but there is no one coming,
and only the darkness waiting,
spare me your stories, traveller, i am in no mood for tales;
you are lost within me and i have been lost for a long while,
under the same sky, i hear the same music
playing over and over again, i listen because
i don’t know what else to do,
i write old words because i am too afraid to learn new ones,
i read safety books because i am afraid to fall
although caterwauling through your loveliness is a risk
i have already taken, you cannot know
the storms i have harboured within me,
that i do not let you see even
when i am so close to crashing,
(there was one tear that slid out of my eye,
i have kept the rest at bay)
you do not know my anger, my anger i can never direct
at you, it is always at myself, me, why am i
so useless, so stupid, so incompetent, why
are my feet stuck here where i stand,
where you stand, why can i not move,
why will i not move –
i love you, i love you, i love you,
these are words forever pounding in my head,
i love you, i cannot
landmasses shifting and the oceans screaming
it is my voice that rings
let’s speak again of fears and i will tell you mine.
it’s new, i’ve changed.
i cannot lose you.
i am afraid.
i love you.
lost traveller, good, true, kind, brave, sweet, gentle, lost traveller,
you have found me
in the faults and fractures of this earth,
you have found me, do not
but if you must, please
don’t forget me.