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Southern WA Struggles To Remain Calm As Third Type Of Bin Hits Streets

For the majority of your pathetic sheltered life, you have only known a two-bin world. Well, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but this is your world no longer. Times have changed.

Like young joeys orphaned by an eighteen-wheeler, the south-west WA residents of Collie stumbled out into the morning fog this morning, transfixed on the shocking sights that lay before them. Alongside regular trash and recycling bins, the city of Collie just got a third bin: the organic waste bin for green waste. A third bin. We’re through the looking glass, people.

For normal Australians who don’t live in Collie, the sight of the red-lidded bin in the photograph attached might surprise you. We don’t have that here in the suburbs surrounding the CBD. We don’t have that for miles. But don’t be fooled – the red lidded bin of Collie is nothing more than a regular trash disposal unit in disguise, brandished with Party attire. That isn’t the news story today, though. The news is that bright-green bad boy on the right hand side of the frame.

“But wait,” you say, hogging a whiff of ice cream up your nose like the entitled lemon you are. “Who gives a shit?”

You will, I reply, once the ABC pick this story up tonight or whatever. Just shutup and go with me.

The program starts officially next week, with all Collie residents being granted a bin under a $100k+ initiative from the Shire of Collie to see recycling standards improve. It’s a good move, really – as any conservation student will tell you, most of us know shit all about recycling. Like, did you know you’re supposed to wash out plastic containers before you threw them into the recycling bin? I’m going to be the bigger man here: no, you didn’t. A lot of recyclable materials in WA needlessly end up in landfills, and there’s only so much land you can fill. A lot of it,  granted, but what kind of world do we want for our grandkids or whatever.

Organic wastes collected will go towards improving soil qualities, so, more good thinking there.

Of course, this is all secondary to the fact that the bin game in WA has forever changed. Honestly, though – think of hills hoists clotheslines, chipping cream picket fences, sheep wire and blue eskis. Our bins and their lids form crucial parts of local iconography for us as we grow up, iconography that we never even think about until it changes, just like old Victorian basement vents that get absorbed into modern buildings and forgotten. Let it be known that when you and your children are sitting in a world with landfill everywhere, and they ask you, “why do we have three bins,” you can tell them: it used to be two, child, but in April 2016, everything changed forever.