by Smoko Henderson
Did you know that one of West Australia’s native acacias contains some of the worlds highest naturally occurring concentrations of DMT? If you didn’t, disregard that statement. If you did, then you probably also know full well that there’s more DMT in Perth to be had than there is adequate transport. Here’s a guide for new initiates, to make racing to the top of psychedelia a little less difficult.
1. Make sure everybody knows that your hallucinations are the best and most profound
It doesn’t matter if you smoked it with friends or on your own – when the effects wear off, it’s your obligation to find your nearest tripper and one-up their experiences. What did they see? Did they hear any voices? Did they leave their body? Let your friend know that you saw cooler and more meaningful things, that the voices you heard were more ethereal, and that your out of body experience was more intense. Be insistent. Make sure your recollection is better and make sure this opinion is agreed upon.
2. Attend one doof and then start to educate people about counter cultures
You’re not part of society, you’re part of a movement. Hide in your friend’s boot while they drive offroad for twelve kilometres onto state reserve in a car never built for it. Sprawl out on the other end of the trip like a beautiful flower. Take ecstacy and smoke DMT in the back of a dirty tent. Find inner peace. Later realise your phone was stolen and confirm you hate doofs. Only talk about doofs for a month.
3. Buy and wear a tie-dye shirt
4. Make sure that everyone at any social event knows that you use psychedelic drugs
As a hip Perth youth, you’ve been around the block. You know the sights. You roll your eyes at 18 year olds on pills, laughing with the bittersweet resignation of someone who’s done it all before. “Just wait until you smoke DMT and free your mind,” you think to yourself, wondering how much more of your stash is left at home while waiting in line with twenty other sweaty people for a $14 vodka lemon.
5. Buy a guitar and a delay pedal
6. Stop wearing shoes for a week maybe
It’s all about vibes, and image, and positive image, and good vibes. Expose your feet to small cuts and industrial contaminants – it’s natural.
7. Read about brain chemistry for twenty minutes on Wikipedia and act smart
Did someone just talk about drug use? Now is a good time to let everybody know everything you read on wikipedia about serotonin. Make sure that everybody in the room is listening to you while you lay down the basics of human neurology. If anyone in the room doesn’t have a solid comprehensive understanding of lobe distribution by the end of your conversation, insist upon having the conversation again.
8. Do all of your friends know you smoked DMT earlier today? If not, make sure they know
How else will they know?
9. Make sure everybody understands you are basically Ghandi
No one’s going to have sex with you if you smoke DMT but it doesn’t, like, totally change your life, and make you more organic. If anyone professes to be more chilled out than you, calmly explain to them why your serotonin is different and why they’re wrong and why it’s you who’s most chill.
10. Update your facey cover photo to Tool album art for a week maybe
Bro. Trippy, dude. Have you seen them live? Yeah, I read about their gigs too.
11. Did you break through? Dude, wait til you break through. I broke through. Have you ever broken through?