Ancient Celestial Giant the Sun Not Coming to Perth After 2017, Flags High Costs & Logistics

Words by Smoko Henderson

The great ancient sun will no longer be touring WA in 2018.

Representing the celestial giant, Sony entertainment spokespeople told reporters the sun was not in a position to do more shows in Perth.

“Due to logistics and costs, the sun is currently not in a position to spend anymore of its time than it already does servicing what is frankly a negligible audience.”

Not all agree.

Jack-Fiddlin’-Rip-Johnson, CEO of SevenWest Mining Records, held a press conference this afternoon denouncing Sony’s actions.

“The sun has long been a partner with the City of Perth and has overseen many overseas trips, festivals and concerts in our fair capital city.”

“But Sun, Sun is something else. Best shows every day.”

Ripplin Johnson emphasised our city’s modernity, pleading for an answer to the undeserved emptiness of Perth’s cultural capacity.

“Michelin star restaurants, philanthropy installations from climate change profiteers — we have it all over here.”

“What’s the go? What are these companies hiding?”

The sun was not available for comment—unsurprising, for a band regularly known to disappear without announcement, only to come back shortly after.