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5 Pretend Calls To Get Around Rachel Since That Chat About Saudi Arabia Got a Bit Ooohhhhhh, Mmmmmmmm

By Smoko Henderson


You know what Rachel is like – and look, let’s be fair: she’s been through a lot. There’s that vocational thing she does with the troubled kids, and also I don’t think she has a happy home life. I hear her room-mates are difficult. Anyway, you totally let it slip you think Saudi Arabia blame White people for ruining everything, when most of the time it’s actually them. Even though this is actually true, Rachel got really offended, it wasn’t really the time for it, and her arts friends mistrust her now.

Ever since, it’s been kind of weird. Don’t worry: here’s how to leave the room.

A Doctor’s Appointment

Sorry Rachel, I’ve had a bit of a crook gut ever since the weekend and I’ve just got to take this call. You could try saying, “Maybe I’m choking on my own words, haha….”. Maybe she will smile, but probably not.

Maxine’s Budgie Escaped, Now It’s Stuck Behind the Shed and the Retaining Wall 

Maxine, ya fuckin space cadet. How many times has she left that thing unlocked, hey Rach? Rach? Oh, sorry. Sorry. Hey, about the other day – no? Alright. Ooh, looks like it’s wedged in there. Better drive over to Gosnells and help her fish it out. Seeya Rach, have a good one Rach.

Hot Tinder Date 

Don’t even need to say anything extensive to leave the room on this one, just wink, click with your tongue, and say, “hot Date Rach, catcha lates.” Finger guns optional. If your date has an Indian parent, it couldn’t hurt to let Rachel know. You don’t want her thinking you’re like, you know, or whatever.

Jury Duty

Hey, gotta do it. I have no biases. Rachel, I have no biases. 

Look At These Photos of Dogs Haha Lol 

Ultimately, all wounds must heal. Instead of leaving, faking calls, just show Rachel photos of dogs.

Look at that one, he’s cute. Haha. Friends again? Yeah.